Flirting With An Introverted Sapphic

| A Guide To Mutual Queer Connection |

By Aderinsola Akeju

Flirting With An Introverted Sapphic Audio NarrationAderinsola Akeju

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Have you ever approached someone at a queer party and immediately felt like a creep because they froze up?

Not because you did anything wrong, but because they get a bit stiff and hard to read.

In the sapphic community, flirting is something we hope we’re good at. It feels like an essential skill. Almost a requirement. However, we rarely discuss the various types of flirting or how some approaches resonate well with one person but completely shut down another.

This is especially true when an introvert catches your eye.

Because what do you do when someone isn’t giving you much to work with? When they aren’t overly flirtatious or showing interest in a way that’s obvious?

So, how does one flirt with a sapphic introvert without overwhelming them or walking away feeling embarrassed?

This is Pink Sappho’s guide to that mutual queer connection that leaves you feeling confident even in the face of rejection.

I. To make things easier to follow, here’s a simple step by step approach:

To start, keep in mind that human interactions are nuanced and depend on the situation.

In this case, we use the scenario of a sapphic gathering/party, which you should attend to find your community anyway.

Though there is a spectrum of introverts, if someone catches your eye and is off to a corner, a bar, or with friends, but is sort of lingering on the outskirts of a party with minimal movement, chances are they are an introvert. Attending the party was not their idea.

Your approach with them would not be the same as an approach with a sapphic who’s on the prowl and ready to mingle.

Most introverts warm up to interactions slowly. Their desire follows when they sense safety in the connection.

Rather than approaching them head-on with a compliment or a line, place yourself near them. At the bar. By the snacks. On the balcony, catching air. Picture the connection starting in parallel, not confrontation.

Keep things simple with a shared observation like:

“This party is a lot.”

“I needed a breather. How are you holding up?”    

This opens a door. Like an invitation for conversation without pressure.

They will most likely respond with an agreement for social niceties or a question. Regardless, an opportunity for an intentional conversation is initiated.

II. Compliment what you notice, not what you want.

Introverted sapphics are often deeply perceptive and want to be seen the same way.

You’re better off skipping sexualized compliments and instead noticing something not as loud:

“You energy feels really grounded.”

“I like your energy, it’s calm.”

“Your outfit feels very you. It suits your vibe.”

These kinds of compliments land because they reflect what holds your attention. That you are interested in what they are doing.

III. Focus on questions. Ask fewer, but better ones.

Would you rather ask one thoughtful question or ten flat ones? Or one open-ended question or 10 closed-ended questions?

Choose questions that allow them to answer in their own time:

“Do you usually like parties, or did you come to connect with people?”

“What made you decide to come tonight?”

“What do you enjoy when you’re not at places like this?”

Active listening will come in handy during this moment. If their vibe is a little more open and friendly, lean in a bit with your body, as if you’re having a hard time hearing them. But truly, you just want to get close. Body language in this case might show your interest, and they just might open up more.

IV. Match their pace and presence once you’re in conversation.

Though there are 5 main Flirting styles to choose from, in this instance, you should rely on verbal and somatic cues.

Lower your voice slightly. Slow your speech. Not in a haughty country drawl, more like match their cadence. This mirroring creates a sense of safety, where intimacy happens naturally.

Think of it less about standing out and more about tuning in.

How can I tune into this quiet, smoking hot person in front of me?

V. Create a small escape together.

This is your rising action of the entire interaction. Few things feel more sapphic, or more intimate, than choosing quiet together.

If the moment feels right, offer a shift/change in scenery:

“Want to step outside for a second?”

“There’s a quieter spot over there. Do you want to sit?”

You’re offering a shared refuge in a way and might be surprised by the depth of the connection when you step away from a crowd.

VI. Flirt with curiosity, not conquest.

In the sapphic community, most of us do not want to feel like we are being hunted by someone on a sexual prowl. It can feel shallow and be received poorly. An introvert will respond better to sincerity than to pursuit. Anything else that happens as a result of the sincere pursuit is your adult business, so let your flirting sound like you are present:

“I’m really enjoying talking to you.”

“You feel easy to be around.”

“I’d love to keep this conversation going.”

 A direct but heartfelt statement shows your interest. It comes across as: I see you, and I’m feeling you.

VII. Clarify

At this point in the interaction, your sapphic companion is probably thinking,

Is this cutie flirting with me?

If you were in their mind, I'm sure you’d yell,

Damn right I am!

Now is the time to clarify, and this part matters more than people admit, but do not make them guess. Introverts typically do not enjoy ambiguity when you’ve already offered vulnerability.

You’ve come this far, so stick to your guns and confess the intention.

Try some old school lines like:

“Can I get your number? I’d like to see you again.”

“I’m really glad I met you tonight. I’d like to take you out for drinks.”  

The clarity is bold and confident, and if it doesn’t turn them on, it'll at least turn you on, because you’ve done an incredible job of putting yourself out there in a world of growing individualism.

Shift your perspective

There is a misconception that introverted sapphics are difficult to flirt with.

Moreso, they are not what you are used to, and it just might be initially out of your comfort zone. But when you offer patience and genuine attention, you’ll realize you’re just interacting with someone who has a world of intimacy to offer that would've otherwise been untapped had you not approached.

At Pink Sappho, we believe authentic connection is possible for all personality types and are happy to share an approach and scenario that is all too common in our community. Now you know what to do next time a quiet party goer catches your eye.

Now get out there, you magnetic flirt.