Poem Series: Flirting Contest

Olivia J. Brown

I am a fierce competitor 

But a terrible flirt

I only one in terms of the other 

I know both as a means to an end 

I’m terrified that you’ll figure me out

“Are you flirting with me?” 

When I ask

Is not cheeky banter

It’s a warning shot, hoping you’ll stop before my spiral consumes us both

See, I don’t deserve levity. I’ve only known lust

I’m scared to trust 

Though, you’ve been so generous.

One hundred thousand fears still rush in an instant 

Better to retreat and remain distant before I’m forced to flirt with you

You don’t deserve my messy performance of worthiness

Though I mean when I say “ you’re beautiful”

“You’ve changed me”

“I’d give you my heart, on a platter, in a rocket ship, if it meant seeing you smile” 

It’s hard to find why you’d say any of that to me 

When everything else I’ve known has been transactional

Extractive

I’m afraid you’ll want to take advantage of me

Though, you’ve been so patient. 

I’m fighting my own self

And I’ve lost so much

But I am a fierce competitor

One day, feeling my heart race, reading my mind almost,

You say “I want you. All of you.”

You understand what I’ve been up against and see value, 

Because

Not in spite of 

I want to fulfill your every desire

So I bare it all

How I became a fighter, what made me afraid, how I’m working to be better 

Not just for your sake 

For mine

How I think we work well together, because you have demons too, and I love them 

And you smile, I brace for impact, then soften

“You’re the best flirt I’ve ever seen”